Obama Administration to End Discrimination Against Non-Scientists

By Roger F. Gay

Following an initiative to protect non-English speaking English teachers, the Obama administration has announced a program to eliminate discrimination against non-scientists in academia.

The large scale initiative is the result of a decades-long pilot program that tested the effect of replacing competent scientists, who had been studying weather, with “politically and financially driven plug-ins” in a pseudo-scientific realm dubbed “climate science.” The Democratic Party talking points characterize it as “one of the greatest successes ever in the field of large-scale social engineering.”

The program, backed by the United Nations and operated in all “civilized nations”, resulted in a near complete replacement of real scientists with politically dependent toadies in the entire field. By crafting funding arrangements on a carefully defined political agenda, less competent, less honest “researchers” were able to prosper, in many cases much more than their competent counterparts.

The long-term study led to even greater success. “Community leaders,” such as academic journal editors, head administrators of scientific organizations, and influential political advisers were drawn from the the new “in crowd” rather than from seriously contributing scientists. As spokesmen for “what scientists think” their influence on the public was dramatic. At one time during the experiment, a majority of the population of the West (the entire Western civilization) believed that human activity was driving a catastrophic change in climate.

Discrimination had been effectively wiped out as the public accepted the word of the appointed scientists over that of scientists who would have had higher status in an independent performance driven system. In fact, recent surveys still show that a substantial number of people identify politically defined commentary on the matter as "real science." There is even a "science guy" on one television network acting as an evangelist for the cause.

“It's proof that we can do anything if we set our minds and lots of public money to the task,” stated one spokesman. “When we realize that we're not bound by rules, we can truly change the world. The whole individualistic idea of competence as an excuse to create hierarchical social structures is crumbling and the economic side-effects will go with it. Science is a big deal, often associated with individual characteristics like intellect. But we've shown that people assigned to the scientific establishment do not in fact need to be scientists at all in the conventional sense. We just need to say that they are.”

The plan is to broaden the effort beyond “climate science” to include all physical sciences. “One of the most important parts of the infrastructure that defines the modern world will undergo dramatic change, no longer limited by what was once presumed to be common sense ideals. Within 50 years, we will no longer be leaving anything to chance. Everything will be designed into a single unified architecture.”

The spokesman said that a number of significant experiments had been carried out outside of academics, particularly in economics and commercial activities. “Here, we have proven that we can destroy and create industry at will and it's not as difficult as people, especially non-progressive right-wingers usually believe. Once we all agreed that there is no God, it was a simple matter to begin assuming powers that previous convention said were not ours to have. We may assume that we represent what is perfect – nothing else is a competitor.”

Other plans suggest broadening the academic program, but the spokesman hesitated when asked about including social sciences. “They're more than half there on their own,” he said. “They were involved in this movement before we were with activities that often ended in public relations disasters. If we include them too early in our activities, they might feel a desire to get involved in the planning – thinking for themselves and wanting us to go along with them. We thank them for their efforts but the professionals will take over from here.”
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